10 Ways to Be the World's Worst Co-Worker
There’s a saying floating around Pinterest.com that goes, “Be the kind of woman who, when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the Devil says, ‘Oh no, she’s up!’” If the list below fits you to a “t,” this saying can easily be modified to state, “Be the kind of employee who, when you enter the office in the morning, your co-workers say, ‘Here we go again.’” Dwight Schrute on The Office won’t compare to you.
If you're planning for a future career after your online degree program, avoid these 10 ways of being the world's worst co-worker:
1. U-Turn – Ask a teammate for advice or their thoughts on a project, and then do the exact opposite of what they suggest. By doing that, you’ll show that not only do you enjoy wasting your co-worker's time, but you’ll also show how inconsiderate you are by asking for help and then ignoring it.
2. Bobble head – The next time you’re in a meeting, shake your head enthusiastically to show how strongly you agree with what's being said. Instead of taking notes on the subject, or contributing to the discussion, just channel your inner bobble head and shake away. Bonus points if you throw in an enthusiastic, “yup,” every 10 seconds.
3. Invade the bubble – Seinfeld made this one popular. When you’re having a conversation with co-workers, ignore their personal space. Get right up in their face; after all, you can have a more genuine interaction by counting the number of eyelashes they have. Body language communicates more than actually speaking? Preposterous!
4. Outbreak – If you’ve got a fever, the flu, or even a really loud, hacking cough, forget staying at home and (possibly) working remotely! No, you need to show everyone how hard of a worker you are by coming in, even when you look like death ran you over on the way in today.
5. Project – Yes, offices tend to be small, enclosed spaces, but that’s no reason to use your inside voice. Your mom always got on your case for muttering when you were growing up, so make Momma proud by speaking up and fully projecting while you’re at work. Everyone else around you has nothing better to do than to hear every detail of your conversations.
6. Casual day, every day! – Dressing for success? Oh please. Your work speaks for itself. Your office’s casual day is Friday, but you can get away with wearing black skinny jeans on Thursday. No one will notice that you’re breaking corporate policy, because you’re too busy producing grade-A work.
7. Slack – Your office is full of team players, so no one will notice if you never offer to help with anything. In fact, when you ask for help with your project, your co-workers are more than happy to lend a hand. Jackpot! Hand off your project and sit back and relax while it finishes itself. Don’t forget to take full credit for it when it’s all said and done!
8. Show up late – The work day starts at 8 a.m. and you live 20 minutes away from the office. Oh yeah, you can totally wait until 7:40 a.m. to wake up. Traffic? No big deal; those friendly co-workers we mentioned previously are more than happy to lend a helping hand.
9. Share – You’ve got a wicked bunion on your foot. Share all the gross details with your co-workers. After all, you want to discuss all of the personal details of their life, so reciprocate. Everyone knows there’s no difference between what should be discussed in the workplace and in private.
10. Ignore the ‘Golden Rule’ – You ask your neighbor in the next aisle over to stop typing so loudly. You’ve got important stuff to focus on, after all. Once you’ve finished, proceed to joke and laugh with your neighbors (See No. 5) to celebrate crossing another item off your to-do list. You’re done with your work, so everyone else is done with theirs as well, right?
If your ultimate goal is to make everyone hate working with you, feel free to follow every item on this list. Live it, breathe it, love it. If you want to actually have a non-hostile work environment (trust me, it’s better for everyone if no one wants to throttle a co-worker), take every single one of these items and do the exact opposite.
With most employees spending at least 40 hours every week in the office, try making life as pleasant as you can while you’re there. Even though The Office is hilarious to watch, no one actually wants to deal with that daily. If you do, it’s not my fault if someone loses it and pulls an Office Space on you.
About the author: Lindsey Leesmann, Communications Specialist at Grantham University, received her Bachelor of Science – Print Journalism from Missouri State University, Springfield. Prior to her current role, she served as a Student Advisor in the Multidisciplinary Studies and Masters Degree programs.